Friday, 28 March 2014

HOW TO BE A RUNS GIRL




To be a successful runs girl in Unilag you have to work for it. You will do practical and theory Oloshology for four years so you can come out and say, Yes! I have arrived. Not just lie down and open leg, my dear. There are some things you have to do to get correct clients. Not small small mosquito club boys in school. When you show me that youre serious, I will take you to Akeems house so that he will do gbere for you, two on your breasts and one on top of your powerhouse. Any chairman that enters there has entered for life. I just thank God for this Akeem person, oh! I was walking back to my hostel one day when Akeem just tapped me on the shoulder and downloaded my life story to me. By the time he started telling me about my uncles who were covering my star in their coven, hmmn, I followed him to wash my head in the river before he did my gbere for me. Everything I have now that you see here was bought for me by alhajis and senators. Even the duplex in Ikoyi, it is Senator Lawal that is paying for it.
Uhn, let me not talk too much. What was I saying again?
Ehn hen! You have to gain respect from the wannabes. You know the ones that raise their noses as if your body stinks when you are around but cannot remove their eyes from your Michael Kors when your back is turned? Yes, those ones.  Some will bow down easily but others will not. You have to teach them a lesson when they step on your toes. Like the time one Prisca girl wanted to form Van Damme for me with her face like yesterday's egusi soup. Pimples and spots decorate her face like izz nothing yet she had the audacity to accuse me of stealing her makeup box. To make matters worse, she called me Shakirat instead of Shakira. Imagine! By the time I sat on her and beat her well, she couldn't find foundation in the market for her skin colour. When she sees me now ehn she takes alternative route. So, my dear, if you want to have mouth in this business, you have to work on your fighting skills. Don't let one girl that is still collecting pocket money come and rubbish you in Moremi Hall.
Then you have to work on your skin seriously. When me and Aisha enter the club on Fridays, it is me the alhajis notice because my skin and destiny is bright. Nobody taught me in year one when I found my way to Mama Tega's shop in Yaba (beside the train tracks gangan) to mix cream for me. All these fair girls you're seeing they didn't come like that oh. That's why I dont follow dark girls to do Throwback Thursday on Instagram. When you become fair, old things are passed away, all things have become tear rubber. Make sure you use the cream Mama Tega gave you twice a day and in 6 months, your skin will be brighter than Aisha's future. What did you say your name is again? Chiamaka Uchebo? Alright from now, your name is Amy. In this business nobody cares about your surname so lets forget about that one. You cant use your real name so that you dont soil your family name and get into trouble with your family.
Now the main thing in this business is the sex. My dear there is no such thing as love making. If you allow any man fuck you for free, thats your luck. Money for hand, back for ground/bed/kitchen/cabinet/ironing table/car seat/wherever. Dont adjust the rules for anybody. If they cant afford it, tell them to keep it moving. Any style they call for you, do it. If you are not enjoying it, pretend you are so they will keep coming back. Whether you feel it or not, feed their ego and they will feed your bank account, you hear?
Yah, thats right.


Let me not talk too much. Whenever youre ready to go to Akeems place just let me know. You have my room number, abi? Okay no wahala.

BY.........IBUKUN AKINNAWO 

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